Personal Piece - Memoir

Dedication

To my first daughter, Emily, for creating so much of this story and shaping who I have become. To my second daughter, Savannah, who opened my mind and taught me to love again.

Prologue

As Chris paced back and forth in the heat grumbling to himself about the car problems, I secretly observed him through the windshield. Who really is this man?   After several minutes, he poked his head inside the car and glared at me.  “Are your legs getting sweaty?” 

“No, not really.”

“Here’s a towel to wipe them off.  Don’t let them touch the seat. Are your shoes in the sand?” he asked. “Be sure to kick your feet together so you don’t bring sand inside the car!”

After about 30 minutes the car cooled down, so we continued our journey for the night to Las Vegas. I looked forward to the cool relief from my nausea. We arrived in Las Vegas around 5:15 pm and inched along one of the busy downtown boulevards, searching for cheap hotels. The sun beat down hotter than ever. Suddenly Chris turned to glare at me. “Is your towel still on your shoulder?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied, as I tucked the towel firmly in place under the strap.

Silently, tears filled my eyes. I don’t know what I’m going to do – I have no job, no money, I’m traveling 2,000 miles away from home with a forbidden Lutheran, and our baby is due in eight months. 

We arrived in San Diego on July 1, 1988. Within one month, I started a job at a local bank. What would my new coworkers think of an unwed mother?   Each day, my clothes squeezed me tighter and my breasts grew larger.  How could I ever tell my family about this pregnancy? Back home in North Dakota, Dad was a Sacristan and Catechism teacher in our small Catholic church.  He ensured that our image reflected the perfect Catholic family. When I was thirteen, my older sister moved to Iowa with her non-Catholic boyfriend. Dad gave her the ultimatum: “If you don’t get married, you will no longer belong to this family.  I will pretend that you were never born.” She found a solution and announced her marriage soon after that. 

What would be my solution?  

Comments

  1. DoriaJune 29, 2024 at 9:27 AM

    Thank you for sharing from your story, Lanae! I was disappointed this was all we got and would love to read more! :) Though you captured SO much in one page! I'm hooked not only on your life story, but also your writing, which flows so naturally.

    ReplyDelete

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